Really. What ever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV? You miss your old familiar friends, waiting just around the bend!
Well geez. My familiar friends are all on some terror campaign or something, cause I'm surely the only one that's posted lately. This is like the soap opera for crucial kids. Everyone's like, "What's gonna happen next time? Will John's mind snap, causing him to wreak havoc on the art department? Will Mikey awake one day to find himself aswath in nubile, giggly froo froo girls? Will Kildoo vie for his inheritance by killing Nate Beard, his own brother? Will Nate Beard, likewise, be murdered by Kildoo, his own brother? Will Christina ever watch the CKY videos? Will Danny ever post again?"
It seems dubious, to say the least, to know for certain what is to come. But I can tell that mighty things are afoot, both terrible and wonderful, and the most terrible things stem from the fact that I have no life.
Farewell...

So many tales to tell...hot girls that want my bod...hot girls that want my mind...and strange occurences in the Borough of Green.
I think for lack of anything pointful that will ever occur in my life, I will wisk myself away to Europe this summer just to briefly take my mind off the fact that whence I return I will inevitably be stuck in the states for the next 40 years or until I die.
So, the itinerary is going to be something like this: a stopover for a couple days in Iceland, rent a car, drive out to the countryside and find that jank waterfall that they filmed in CKY2K. Then I fly to Stockholm for 3-4 days, rock out, do the museum and architecture thing, see the downtown area...roll to some parks...find a Swedish metal show.
Then, take a bus across the channel to Denmark, into Copenhagen, see the little mermaid statue, see the other notorious sights. Then who knows? What's left over that I'd really want to see? I can skip Germany, and certainly skip France, focus on getting to Norway or Finland or both. And who knows...maybe some Baltic countries if I'm feeling insane. Or I could always go to the Netherlands. Then I will return, a happy man, slightly jarred from my insane trip. And I'll have a few more tales to tell my kids.

The only reason I'm writing this is because it's 2:30 in the morning, and I just found out that this girl I'm supposed to be calling is paternally Danish...I got inspired.
Plus I have to content with the fact that I lead a boring life by constructing scenarios of "what if" and "i might just", because it keeps me from going insane.
Well...till later...peace.

a tid-bit from a conversation i had with casey... not necessarily to be taken seriously... necessarily...

Gatita13: What, in your opinion, is feminism?
KngPolystr: feminism is the obsurd belief that women should be treated as equals to men in every facet... though it is apparent in many ways that they are not, and thus should not be strapped to the same table of comparison to see if either will actually catch up with the other. biblically feminism is silly, and i abore those women who wave it's flag. but given that every woman has the right to go to college (i mean, pretend she's a feminist), then it only fuels my fire to start malism - in which we will agree to pay women the same wages for their work when they let us bare children or smell like flowers...
Gatita13: Oh my gosh that was the greatest answer I've had all night

as always, keeping it real... REAL real...

Yeah, I took a trip with Darryl and Wolf tonight to Carrboro for a metal show. Our Raleigh friends Hank and Dwight were there, along with the largest collection of mongoloid jocks I'd ever seen at a metal show in my life. Some really random crappy band opened, and they were terrible. But Between the Buried and Me played, and though their name was ridiculous, as were the boy-bandish melodic portions of their songs, they were fairly decent.
So, then Mastodon came out, and their sound was mighty, their presence...terrifying. I now know why they chose the name Mastodon, because the were like, "Hmm, I got it, we're gonna be earth shaking and terrifying and try to sort of hint at this jokingly by naming ourselves after a subpar extinct elephant. But then people will realize that we're so brutal, we should have called ourselves Sabretooth Tiger. And then they'll laugh, because they'll realize that no matter what name we called ourselves, it would have been ridiculous. Let's just take the name and get to work being musically brutal and heartstopping."

So, as a few already know, my computer has completely died. Not that this is a bad thing...it's getting refurbished with a completely new hard drive, which will solve most of the problem. Then of course, comes the work of installing a new OS (attempting to get that XP working, but if not, resorting to using ME for now) and updating my drivers and so forth...but that will come in due time.
For now Natron 2001 (for that is the name of my computer, I guess) is enjoying some quality time with his family in the repair shop, spending time with loved ones and not so loved distant cousins. And his caretakers are providing him with a warm place to sleep tonight and a chance for him to get some good rest before that brand new drive gets put in. So, if for some reason he gets lonely or bored sitting next to Jethron 1999, or swapping tales with Enron 2002, he can think about the glory that he will be when his new 3-way partitioned hard drive is filled with all the wonderful things any machine could ask for-new mp3s, games, and photoshop files. And he'll hopefully be proud of the great things that he will provide for me. And maybe he'll miss me. I already miss him.
So now I'm on John's computer and thinking about how much I rely on my own...but perhaps these next couple days will be a chance for me to reflect on what a growing opportunity it will be for both Natron 2001 and myself to be apart...and maybe that will make the reunion all the more special.

Aahhhhhhh, ladies.
What's up.
My first class is at 2 tomorrow, and it's in the HHP building.
Speaking of women, all you flaky froo froo girls take heed...because today marks the day, 2 weeks after December 31st, when you can safely say, "Oh, that's so 2002."
As for the other (hopefully outnumbering) proportion of the female populace...you're swell...I love all of you...
I'm rambling...it's 4:34 in the morning. Have we decided whether I'll become a full fledged night owl by working 3rd shift this semester? Let's not go there.

life is short - too short if you ask me. i mean, i feel i have hardly lived and i am already 21. this means i have squandered away prolly 1/4 of my life on video games and sarcasm. what am i gonna do with my life? isn't it about time to start thinking about my career? a family? love? well, we won't even go there... point is that i have no idea what i am gonna do. i know what i WANT to do - and i can only pray daily that the dreams in my heart are there because they are of God and not my own doing. somedays i wish i could go back and erase the past, redo things, not make mistakes, or take that missed opportunity with that girl i really liked in high school. other days i find myself realizing that without all my crap, i wouldn't be who i am. but do i like who i am? i think i do. i have some pretty cool friends, i am in college (which i know is fortunate), i have family who loves me, and i am all around a pretty smart kid. i could be doing worse...

self esteem is derived from self confidence. if you can't feel confident in yourself and about your actions, then you will never feel good about anything, including yourself. i am confident i am doing the best i can to be the best person i can be, which means no matter what, if i hit a goal or miss, or if someone decides i am not cool enough for their tastes, it will not hinder how i view myself. God loves me - and that is all the confidence i need. but then again, all that means is i need to get busy making my life reflect that confidence. i have way too many lives to impact, and too many people to care about, and too many things to accomplish to get stalled now... i want to be able to live my life without looking back at all. i want to know deep down that everything i do from here on out is something that won't have to be puzzled over as good or bad, or right or wrong - but only as the best that i could have given... or maybe more...

as always, keeping it real... REAL real...

Point taken, Other Nate.
But see, in the evolutionary chart of my life story, you guys actually are (relatively) new friends. Definitely among the coolest people I've met so far in college, which is why I hang with you all. But you know, really I'm just getting to know all you guys! And of course, it doesn't mean that I am not able to go and meet and get to know other people, heck, I spent 4 straight days last week doing just that. But you know, think of my last post as an appreciative message to all of the Brotherhood, including John, from me, saying that "HEY! YOU GUYS MATTER TO ME!"

John, if you took my last post seriously, you're more of a pansy than we thought. I'm just stating, in an overcomplicated way, that the consensus around the apartment (meaning me, Mikey, and my socks) is that we want you back in the land of the living. Treat me with loooooooooooove, or think of a witty comeback.

So, as I've been sitting here in the apartment for the last couple hours alone, I think more and more about how, well, none of my roommates are here, and that I am intensely bored.
This also caused me to think of the Brotherhood as a whole and how I miss them, as well as everyone else in Greensboro.
But I gotta say, out of the Brotherhood, John is seriously the most punk-of-a-scrub to be not-here in Greensboro. Why? Well, it goes like this: everyone else is pretty much validated in not being here right now.

Nate Beard is in New Jersey, and plus he lives in crappy campus housing, which is worse than our apartment, if that can be imagined.
Kildoo is busy training to becoming the man, the powerful calculator wielding man that will someday own his on home, unlike any of his roommates, thanks to his stepping into the real world already.
Mikey is visiting Christina, and if he wasn't there, he'd be here.
Christina is, of course, with her family in Clinton, which is all good. If I had a big family, I'd love spending time with them. Now that I finally know how great being in a big family household really is.
And Danny is, around, I think. But if he wasn't, he'd be visiting Jess. Plus he's too busy with his job and getting his hate on to hang out with me anyway.
Of course, what's John doing? Possibly the same thing he'd be doing here, playing video games, except selfishly hoarding all the fun to himself. And also probably spending a lot of time hanging out with his only two friends in the world, surely with the proverbial thumb up his rear.
And the worst part is, he's not coming back until the 12th, which means...well really I guess it doesn't matter, if he doesn't want to hang out with us, then I guess I don't want to hang out with him either.

so i was sitting here thinking... how do you know how much someone really means to you...? how do you rank your friends? your family? do you rank? do you know you rank them? heck, did you just realize you rank them? i mean, i love my family, but when i am not emailing or talking about them, my dad and stepmom are kinda out of mind, cept occasionally. does this mean i love them less? i mean, i miss my mom when she's not there a lot of the time without her being brought up in conversation, does that mean she is higher on my love meter? it's just different.

friends i find are the same way... especially with break, and with katy visiting me from kansas, and emailing far off friends and all - i really have thought about who i value. i consider some people my very close friends, but when they aren't around i don't miss them all that much. not all of them, and mind you it always changes. is it just fondness of memory? circumstance? does this even make sense? i just know that i am blessed to have people to miss. i know someone is truly close to me when i can't sit through a song or a movie without one line, or one scene, heaven forbid the entire thing, reminding me of my missed friend. my mind wanders to thoughts of love...

everyone's idea of love is different - a rant i thought i would tackle sometime, but i don't think i can do it justice. you see, everyone's idea of love IS different, be it between friends, lovers, family, it doesn't matter because love always can mean something to one person and yet be totally misconstrued by another.. i used to be afraid to speak the word. i never knew if i was too afraid of hurting someone else or if i was too afraid of allowing myself to be hurt. there is a big difference between love and being in love, which i believe most would agree. even though it is but a twist of syntax, i always find myself hiding behind phrases like "lova ya" or "love to ya" or some mutated version of "i love you". as long as i didn't say those three words in that order, i can't get hurt, right? what am i holding onto? when will i be able to say those words to someone without being scared? will it be when i think i, myself, am in love? and even then, we have to ask the question "when are two people "in love"?" can i ever give an answer to that, short of me being in a situation myself and just magically "knowing"? and even then, can i trust how i feel? is it all just circumstance? or maybe a temporary satisfaction of a need for attention or comfort? well, what i do know is this... love isn't something to be bottled up. love isn't something to hold onto, grasping its very ideal hoping it doesn't come back to hurt us. sure, we've all been burned before - but does that give us the right to hold onto something that, in its very essence, was meant to be shared? i think not. if you love someone, tell them... tell them now. life is short, but love is forever. a few words expressing the best thing you can give someone can be the greatest gift someone recieves in a lifetime. patient, kind, eternal; love is all this. so it is all this that i want you to have from me...

i love you...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

P.S. Merry New Year!

Happy New Year...
Representin' from Rutherford County NC. I've been kicking back with Laura and her family the past couple days. Hope everyone had an eventful New Year...I celebrated mine by holding domination over Africa and attempting invasions on Europe and Australia in Risk 2210. But I misjudged the skill of one opponent, and now Evelyn holds reign as the true conqueror of the world. In any case...back to the festivities...just wanted to pop on and say "hi". Hi.