life is short - too short if you ask me. i mean, i feel i have hardly lived and i am already 21. this means i have squandered away prolly 1/4 of my life on video games and sarcasm. what am i gonna do with my life? isn't it about time to start thinking about my career? a family? love? well, we won't even go there... point is that i have no idea what i am gonna do. i know what i WANT to do - and i can only pray daily that the dreams in my heart are there because they are of God and not my own doing. somedays i wish i could go back and erase the past, redo things, not make mistakes, or take that missed opportunity with that girl i really liked in high school. other days i find myself realizing that without all my crap, i wouldn't be who i am. but do i like who i am? i think i do. i have some pretty cool friends, i am in college (which i know is fortunate), i have family who loves me, and i am all around a pretty smart kid. i could be doing worse...

self esteem is derived from self confidence. if you can't feel confident in yourself and about your actions, then you will never feel good about anything, including yourself. i am confident i am doing the best i can to be the best person i can be, which means no matter what, if i hit a goal or miss, or if someone decides i am not cool enough for their tastes, it will not hinder how i view myself. God loves me - and that is all the confidence i need. but then again, all that means is i need to get busy making my life reflect that confidence. i have way too many lives to impact, and too many people to care about, and too many things to accomplish to get stalled now... i want to be able to live my life without looking back at all. i want to know deep down that everything i do from here on out is something that won't have to be puzzled over as good or bad, or right or wrong - but only as the best that i could have given... or maybe more...

as always, keeping it real... REAL real...