!!!ATTENTION LADIES!!!

it has been brought to my attention that some females do not know what Voltron is. if you don't, i hesitate, but agree that it is ok - but you need to either learn what it is (feel free to ask kildoo or myself) or atleast learn to appreciate the importance it holds over the lives of basically every REAL man. so, to help the ladies out, i have constructed a short list of things to know about Voltron, The Defender of the Universe...

1. it IS NOT a transformer, i don't care if it has moving parts
2. there are 5 pieces that form the whole, all of which have an individual operator
3. yes, it is sorta like the power rangers, but if you want to be PC about it, the power rangers are SORTA like voltron - because voltron was first... and is also not gay
4. they are lions, not cats
5. the heads do not decapitate, they shoot off to attack things
6. it IS NOT a transformer...
7. it is not a sword... it is a BLAZING SWORD! you don't hack robeasts in two with just any sword
8. it wouldn't "suck" to be Voltron's leg
9. it was a cartoon, not a faux live action show with sub-par babylon 5 special effects
10. the princess was not a slut who gave it up to the entire "voltron force" - it is well known she only gave it up to keith
11. it doesn't change into an airplane, dinosaur, car, boombox, or transfer truck... because IT ISN'T A TRANSFORMER!
12. voltron was loved by good and feared by evil
13. the colors of each lion aren't determined by what would look the prettiest, but by association from the location of it's resting place
14. if you see voltron without a leg or arm, it isn't because he's broken, but just because he is "in process" - give it some time
15. just because a guy you know starts humming the theme song, don't worry about him - for he is just building up testosterone...

ok, with these few simple clearifications, and of course, your speedy road to downloading old episodes of voltron off of kazaa - i see no reason why there should ever be another woman who comes in my room and points out my "cool transformer". sometimes you just gotta know ladies... sometimes you just gotta know...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

i wanna give a big shout out to those of you who rokked some carwashness saturday. big time money raisin' for rockbridge was done; leigh ann, nate edge, shannon, marshall, jess, the willis, and of course, my personal car wash assistant, christie "oh my goodness i have tar on my foot and it burns" ray. there are numerous other mentions, but these were the ones who were there the whole time rokkin some car washin. it was a blast and my neck along with my blazing guns are so burnt, but not like christie ray's foot. also, for those of you who like to keep up with the progress, there is no denying my sandetan now. where it was simply something just taking shape before... it is now in full effect. a quick side note: watch tan is even more rowdy now, but because i was washing cars there was no "ring tan action". will work on that at a later date :-)

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

Well, the show was pretty awesome last night. And despite Juliana Theory having the look of fratter rock, I did get a kick out of when they made the breakdown in "Repeating repeating" sound even more like an In Flames song than it does on the album.

i just saw one of the best shows i have ever seen (the ataris, the juliana theory, further seems forever)... let me break it down for you (katy wade style):

thumbs down to:
*laura not being able to go
*stupid high school kids with indie rock haircuts sporting truck driver hats
*the mile long line that made us miss further seems forever's first song
*further seems forever only played 6 songs
*stupid high school kids with indie rock haircuts sporting truck driver hats... sideways
*the kid next to me who was complaining about how gay it was to have good charlotte playing on the sound system between bands, but then telling everyone how great SUM 41 is
*no matter how awesome the juliana theory is, john will never like them
*the really really fat guy who decided to stand in the center of the circle pit
*the shmuck in the linkin park shirt who's idea of moshing was slamming into girls around the edge of the pit as hard as he could
*having to wait 45 minutes before the ataris played (most of which was spent listening to stupid high school kids with indie rock haircuts who were sporting truck driver hats)
*the ataris not playing "the last song i will ever write about a girl"
*the kid who hated emo and was making fun of dashboard confessional because he didn't realize his opinion didn't matter... because he was sporting an indie rock haircut with a truck driver hat... sideways

concert highlights:
*it was the best $15 i have spent in a long time, and wouldn't have rather been anywhere else!
*the FONZ playing guitar for the juliana theory
*zoe rokkin out to all the bands
*the fact that the ataris used every chance possible to say "1-2-F%$# YOU!"
*the juliana theory rokkin the crap out of "to the tune of 5,000 screaming children"
*everyone at the show knowing wes "alfonzo" forbus
*the guy who saw my shirt and actually knew who the aquabats were
*getting more stickers to put on my guitar
*the ataris really trying to get everyone into the show although most of the crowd was lame
*making taking back sunday lyrics "especially" whiney with wes after we dropped zoe off
*realizing that no matter how lame you are, you are way cooler than everyone who watches mtv religiously

whelp, that's most of the goodness... if you wanna know more, ask - for it was FANTABULOUS!

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

a conversation i was having tonight reminded me of this, and i thought, in total realness, i had to share it with the world... the world consisting of those 7 of you who read this...

the TOTAL version of "You Are My Sunshine"

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me to love another
You'll regret it all someday

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you've left me to love another
You have shattered all my dreams

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away...

that's it... sad but true. but i guess it is only being real itself, can't fault it for that.
as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

alright, let's get something straight. Kenny Chesney is not a country music singer. let's be real. country has gone down the friggin tubes over the last 10 years, and Kenny Chesney is the perfect example. all of a sudden the only country acts getting signed are people who sing with that twang in their voice and play rock songs which are only country because they add a steel guitar and maybe a mandolin and banjo for good measure for their "unplugged" concerts. Shania Twain, Dixie Chicks, Alan Jackson, Toby Keith, you can all go straight to hell. As for Kenny, I hope you die in a faraway land flogged by 7 foot warrior monks in black shrouds.
whatever happened to real country? it sits an anxious wait on the sideline. sure Willie Nelson is still gigging, still remaining true to that old style, the honest, heartfelt melodies, not the pop grandeur of cashing into CMT's fashion shows. Johnny Cash is on his last legs, but he's left a legacy of great music, songs that tell stories, tragedies and comedies written by America's last great troubadour. and my personal favorite influence, Merle Haggard-one of the last American outlaws, who brought all sorts of credibility to the honky tonk sound. and I give mad respect to Alison Krauss, a girl who despite her mainstream stardom is still trying to keep things real with the more listener friendly down home sound.
and despite the fact that everyone seems to be buying into this fluffy crossgenre country rock, no one's paying attention to acts like Uncle Tupelo, Chamberlain, Will Hoge, or let's even extend that to include Bruce Springsteen. this is the so called "road rock", in reality the purest blend of rock and country, that gritty, raw, backtalking heartland music that stirs the soul. i can't get enough of that. there just need to be more bands like that.
listen to what you will, i just need to make my opinions known. i think more people would like country if they realized it wasn't what gets played on CMT 98% of the time...just like i'm sure people would liven up to all sorts of real music if they weren't blasted with MTV. do me a favor. get out and start seeing real shows. whatever your personal piece is, go and see local and underground artists before they get corrupted by sleazy corporate record labels and money hungry pop producers. help keep real music alive.

man this week has been CRAZY... yeah, i have been rokkin the whig of this so called "Stalin Paper", and i turned it in today for all those of you who were wondering how it has been coming. thanks for everyone who supported my often procrastinating attempts at paper writing :-) you guys/gals rokk! i really don't have anything pertinant to say - oh wait! yes i do! this will be great...

connie's comments regarding the brotherhood site:
"are you kidding me? the brotherhood page is like the morning paper to me..."

rokk on... so for all your 4 people out there who read this! yay!

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

there comes a time in every girls life where she needs to appreciate the SON of pete. i mean, let's face it, no one man is more a destroyer of hearts nor can any man lay seige to a woman's living soul like he. his wit and candor alone can best most beasts, especially small rodents... though not many have known john's might, this is only because his power diminishes as his hair lengthens, but i forsee a great time of tribulation for women who do not adore him in the coming months. it is his birthday today and i suggest that if you have that special set of God given mariach's, then find john, and love him; the man, the myth, the legend...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

my results from the "What Ninja Turtle Are You?" test - big shocker :-)

You are Michelangelo...
You are fun-loving and free-spirited, and you always know how to bring a smile to your friends' faces when they are feeling down. You are also a bit of a slacker.

God i love being a turtle!
as always, keepin it real... REAL real... Cowabunga!

my thoughts on why Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade is awesome...

well, let's look at this - honestly, it's great in about every possible way.
from a production point of view: its story is by george lucas, which is good, because that is what george lucas does really well - come up with ideas. and luckily they didn't let him write the script or direct this movie, which are two BIG bonuses right there. so you have george lucas doing only the thing he does best - staying out of the way! also, it is produced by lucas film, great company - like i said, as long as lucas himself has nothing to do with it. directorily, steven speilberg: i mean, when you look for directors, you really can't do too much better, unless of course you are talking about the Paul Verhoeven, the man who brought us Starship Troopers... but we are just debating differing levels of sheer genious here aren't we? moving on...
from an actor standpoint: you have someone for everyone to relate to, and of the highest calibur. harrison ford, an undoubted powerhouse in the world of film as the adventurous (possible han solo reference) hero character who most can relate. well, anyone who has an aggravating five o'clock shadow that can't be vanquished because most of your time is spent searching for religious artifacts. secondly, only in mentioning but not in worth, is sean connery. now, i don't really think i need to go into how rowdy he is - no matter what he is doing, and i know personally, i can relate to being an attractive old man with the sexiest accent ever. now with that kinda power on the male end alone, there is no reason every woman in america should not be watching this movie. but moving on from there... not exactly the most talented actress in hollywood (but let's be real here, she wasn't hired for her acting ability) we get some generic skinny german blonde chick, alison doody. now, i think the guys can all appreciate her role in this movie (foreign slut) and many of you women can relate to being hot, blonde and "ready to go" - if you catch my drift. add to these three an assortment of characters, mainly for comic relief, such as John Rhys-Davies (some of you may recognize him more as Gimley from Lord of the Rings) and various nazi's... but let's continue to be real and realize that nazi's are comic relief as well. what a cast!
from a storyline point of view: it's got something for all genders and ages... it's got lots of action which basically covers any male viewer, and some female viewers. it's plot is deep enough where it keeps more mature viewers interested because of the goal, finding the grail, but it is not so complicated and bogged down with "grail lore" to confuse younger viewers. there is plenty of comedy, as there is with any movie with nazi's. one might be hard pressed to find a love story in this one, especially compared to the previous two indiana jones films, but i think it is more than made up for. throw in a hot skinny blonde (german) girl that likes to give it up for the male viewers to lust after, and on the female side, you sacrifice having a real love story by, instead, adding sean connery. i beleieve this is enough for any woman to forget about hugs and kisses - i mean, two of hollywood's most attractive men in one film? and even if that isn't enough ladies, there are many scenes in which harrison ford gets in some sort of predicament where his shirt is ripped to blare his chest - i allow a slight pause for swooning...

all in all, i think the facts are undeniable - go see this movie. be it man, woman or child, it is definately a movie to beat most movies..

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

a conversation i had with john this morning before he went home to virginia... for all to enjoy

mikey: "hey john, kildoo wanted to see you before you left."
john: "blar, i'll get to it."
mikey: "ok, i think he was lookin for you to tell you bye."
john: "it's not like i was gonna kiss him or anything"
mikey: "i dunno about that..."
john: "well, my mouth says no, but my heart says yes..."

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

Man, one month away indeed. I'm so pumped about Rockbridge.
Yo so I'm sitting here in Raleigh chillin'. I hope my brothers like my songs because I am going to play my new stuff for them. They come over tomorrow and we'll all hang until Sunday and that should be interesting. Probably there will be some violence going down tomorrow or Saturday. I totally can't wait.

john's wisdom on Laura

"...that just goes to prove that you can't trust anything a woman says - oh, cept for you laura honey. cause you are like a man in a woman's body. but that would make you a lesbian! so you'd really be a gay man in a woman's body... so if we get married i guess it'd be a sin."

chalk one up to late night runs to wendy's...
as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

i've come to terms with the fact that a woman's beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. i mean, there are physically beautiful women lotsa places, but i am talking about more than that. i am talking about what REALLY attracts a guy (well, a good intentioned guy) to a girl - what makes him see her as the greatest woman around? countless occasions have i been very attracted (not always in a crush way/ but generally interested in getting to know as a person) to girls who are physically attractive but only after a matter of days find them pulling up some unattractive habit (ie. smoking, drinking, or always talking about how great some loser/dickhead guy is), and then the interest fades. but i admit, i have more staying power than a simple turn off, well, besides cronic smoking (some things shouldn't be overlooked). opinions can change, both for good and bad, or for good or for awesome (if you prefer).

my point is, the truest, and most wonderful girls i have ever been close to have usually never been extremely attractive by popular culture standards, but usually cute (except in one case, but i didn't find her attractive, personally, until i got to know her personality - and then that was what i found most attractive). after a long process of getting to know a woman, be it intentional or haphazardly, a woman slowly becomes more beautiful (or should i say is realized for her beauty) because of her whole. a woman's dedication to her friends, her morals, her honesty, her heart for people and especially for God, reliability, trust, even her ability to laugh at bad jokes... these are the things that make a woman beautiful. unfortunately these are also the things that make a woman ugly. a woman can be so tainted by her lack of whatever it is, that even though she is considered on many levels, beautiful, hot, or even a TEN (as brandon would say), that she could hold nothing to a girl who you can simply make you sit back and smile everytime you think about her -- the kinda girl that carries around no drama with her... the kinda girl you can take home to mom without being afraid of what your mom might say (or think to herself).

when it comes down to it, i know it's nothing you haven't heard before... but ladies, be comforted that just because you don't look "perfect", hey, what guy do you know does? if you want a nice guy anyhow, he's prolly gonna be lookin for the same thing you are... someone that makes him/her smile. so i encourage the girls to never loose that beauty, the kind that is more than your fake and bake tan, or your haircut, or newest outift - and guys i encourage you to give a girl who makes you smile a chance. because even though there will be times when certain girls can make you smile, there will always be a smile when you realize someone is beautiful...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

I just want to thank all my fans...yeah....all five of them.

a poetic ode to john's wisdom...

roses are red,
violets are blue.
almost nothing a woman says,
will ever come true...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

yo yo yo... worde...

anyways, we had a couple shows this weekend and it was way cool, cept for the fact that i can't feel my hands! i would KILL for a hand massage right now, but i won't get my hopes too high for that. anyways, i just wanted to thank all our peeps who came out to our show either friday night at daystar or saturday night at straight gate (or both!) - you rule! it wouldn't have been nearly as fun, ESPECIALLY saturday night, without you! and for those of you who couldn't make it because of extenuating circumstances (laura), i would not worry, we will play again - and i am sure we will rokk just for you :-) ok, thanks again you guys and gals - you're the bestest! rokk for life...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

Alright, so, this is it guys, the knowledge you must understand.
I thought I might share with guys the most successful way to get multiple girls' phone numbers and/or screennames at any social function.
These are surefire ways to increase your potential mackstication powers. They are tried and true methods that I have used (often accidentally) to fill my black book. I mean, my cell phone address book.
Alright, here's the basics:

-Wear the same clothes you wore the day before you decide to go macking. Chicks love the smell of day old clothes. It excites their hormones.
-Be sure to have at least a week's worth of stubble on your face. Especially if you're a babyface like me. Girls go after rowdy looking guys more often than they go for young looking guys. The roughness is everything. It's cause they're attracted to the brutaliciousness.
-Wear a cross necklace. But not just any cross. Wear one that's stylish, so that girls with think you're original, even if you don't seem that interesting. I got my cross in Mexico. You may not be as fortunate. But wherever you shop, don't buy one of those big rapstar crosses.
-Be sure to make fun of yourself a lot. Never hesitate to tell girls how you're especially "not interesting". They'll think it's really funny and then want to ask you all sorts of questions. This is a good time to have chick friends tell the chicks you're macking about something cute you did, or some funny dance you do, or about a really "funny" story that proves your wild sensual charms.
-Be sure to remark on your poverty. Money just isn't in anymore. Plus, this guarantees that the girls that are interested in you don't mind paying for your Burger King combo meal. It's handy.
-Begin sentences with words like "So...", and put your arm around girls. Girls love to be flirted with in obvious ways, as an admittance of their gullibility. They've no shame in being maneuvered on in a straightforward way, as long as you make it casual, and funny. Being funny will get you everywhere. I'm the exact opposite of serious when in mack mode. Try to think of yourself as Keanu Reeves, but saying things twice as cool as Keanu, because obviously any guy can. It's all about style. Or lack thereof.

I'm thinking that's pretty much it. These handy tips have a fairly high success rate. I don't really know if all of them are necessary but a good couple in combination will probably put you in the position to ask for someone's number.
I mean, I just hope this is helpful to any guy who doesn't already know. It's worked for me. Please keep in mind though, dudes, I'm also 10 times as good looking as you.

Peace

so lately, stuff has been pretty busy - and oftentimes i have thought about posting but never done it. today though i have decided to make it public my new campaign. what campaign? you might ask. well, as many of you know, i am on a quest to reveal to the world john's super powers of being probably the funniest person alive. his only tragic flaw is that no one ever hears the things he says, but... fortunately, fate has made my super power be the only one who ever hears him. so, in good ol' tandum fashion we are working together to bring john wisdom to the smaller world, via away messages. so keep your eyes out for such john sayings like "thunder thighs" and "or how about i rip off his head and take a dump down his neck!". i am sure that many of you will laugh, and many more will only be shocked at the amazing vision the son of pete actually has...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...

Oh man. The new Juliana Theory is so hot. I was thinking about how cool it would be to go see these guys live. I mean, geez, that would certainly rock in an extreme fashion.
I've been to a lot of cool shows in my life, as well as some lame concerts. And some lame shows, and some good concerts.
I mean hey, I've seen all the greats after their time...Warrant, Motley Crue, Poison, Slaughter, Dokken...rad.
Well, not really.
And I've seen some not so contemporary nor well known acts, such as Zegota, Catharsis, In Flames, Dark Tranquility, lesser known bands whose performances put many other bands to shame.
Spectacular.
Oh man, today was so whack. I went to the meat market, which is now open from 12pm to 4pm every weekday afternoon from now till the end of school. It was terrible. Terribly...terrible. Please refer to my post from a while back about butts. This was similar. But, you know, it was alright, I was visiting with friends, unlike the random creepy guys that go there and "read books" while spying on sunbathing freshman. Yeah...keepin' it real, pervs. Man, I hope the rapist comes out there one day so I can stab him in the throat with my ever handy survival knife.
Seriously guys, if the rapist turns up murdered, it wasn't me. It wasn't, honest.