Just as I was about to post my top ten "Names for Male Children of the Rose Clan", (reminiscing on my many lists, including my recent-ish band names list, Stemo makes the gungnir-mark of perplexing accuracy regarding our rock and rokk...
In any case, I fully concur. Streich would be an awesome name, and McCluskey for certain is an awesome name. The fact that these could in fact be cleverly combined into working phrases such as "The McCluskey Railroad Streich of 1873" or "Streich Me Down, Just Don't Hurt Madame McCluskey" indicates that we are, in fact, just so darned good at coming up with band names.
Moreover, that may actually have more to do with our clever adoption of coolishly-surnamed brethren into the Greensboro fold.
Hrmm.
Actually I was singing a falsettohood on that baby naming subject. It's a considerable bit different than what I would actually name my kids. But here goes. Pregnant wives with D&D playing husbands, take heed.
Top Ten Worst Baby Boy Names from Norse Mythology
Forseti – Basically, he was the god of justice. So he was the guy who settled all disputes. Naming a kid Forseti is like paving the way for him to be the next mafia middleman or trial lawyer. How can you go wrong? Forseti is alright cause his crib is decked out in silver, and red gold. But besides that, he sucks, because he doesn’t do any slaughtering.
How could you name your kid a Norse name and not have it inspire fear. Most of the following just inspire loathing. Hence they also suck equally.
Alberich – A king among dwarves. Who wouldn’t want to name their kid after the miserly guardian of the Nibelung hoard? He makes weapons, but they’re not very good, perhaps cause he’s too distracted with guarding his cereal box prize collection, or whatever a Nibelung hoard could possibly be. He just trolls around in his cave all day waiting for foolish adventures to come along so he can stab them or ask them gay riddles. The only cool thing to mention is that he lives in a castle made out of rock, much like Prince Adam of Masters of the Universe Fame.
Fafnir – This be a big, ugly, ginormous worm. He hoards treasure too, but he ends up getting slain by Sigurd…or maybe just stomped on by a big shoe, or drowned after a rainstorm. Eh. I’ll buy the getting slain bit for its sheer poetrical value. He still sucks though. Obviously…I mean he gets jacked up by a hero wannabe.
Gånglere – King Gylfe (which is a name, in and of itself, worthy of getting beat up in the schoolyard over) apparently called himself this (probably cause he was getting beat up in the schoolyard) when he went to Valhalla, because the name literally means “sick of walking”. Gånglere is the perfect title for the little brat you see in the grocery store who wants to get in the cart, but he’s definitely 7 and just spoiled and lazy. If my kid ever starts acting Gånglerey, I’ll beat it out of him with a bear trap.
Karl – Heimdall’s illegitimate son. Basically the god of light makes it happen with a married woman, and Karl is the red-headed left-handed offspring of that fruitful union. I guess that might be a good name when you think that the mailman got your wife pregnant.
Nidhogg – How can you go wrong with this one? For the true anklebiter. Nidhogg is another big, ugly, ginormous serpent-type. He spends his entire existence gnawing on the roots of the Yggdrasil, except for every so often when he stops to whine and bicker with an eagle who chills at the top of the Yggdrasil.
Picture this, I’m the Yggdrasil, and I’ve got Nidhogg grabbing my ankle and my other rugrat tearing at my hair.
I’m telling you, these are perfect names for your children.
Sceaf – The most pointless Norse god ever. He’s a kid, but a god too, and his story is that he travels from Denmark to the Norselands in a little boat, the only thing with him is a bundle of corn. How lame. Then he somehow founds a kingdom with his ears of corn.
Ymir – This guy is the first giant. From him springs the race of giants, but in such a whack way, I don’t even want to describe. His story just made me momentarily balk at the moronicy of Norse myth. But then I started thinking about all the killing and violence and it all kind of made sense, and I loved it again. Just don’t name your kid this, because his teachers aren’t gonna know how to pronounce it. Simple as that. Plus they’re gonna ask if he was born in Rhodesia or Siam or something and then you have to beat the senselessness out of that teacher with a bear trap.
Holler – The god of death, diseases, and disasters, and all things goth. You definitely can’t name your kid this. Not simply because of context, but what about the name itself? Echhh.
Anyway. I’m about to bounce from work, so I guess instead of writing 10 I’ll end at 9, and trust that either you’ll love me anyway or not bother to count, or read at all. If you do read, just remember, I did pick the very worst of Norse names from my research, and will follow this up with 10 Norse names that would be awesome names for your kid, either for their awesome legend or notoriety. And yes, Odin and Thor will probably be on there. Gahhh…Stay tuned, posers.
