(Does anyone even read this thing anymore?) So, I went to IV tonight. My first time, ever. My official Christening (no pun intended) on the good ship InterVarsity As much as I must humble myself to say it...
I had a good time. The speaker was AWESOME. For the first time in... how many months has it been? (... though none of you know of my personal struggles... I haven't even sorted through them all yet...) I feel moved, inspired, awed... shall I even say... convicted? W-o-w. Whoa ('Wowy-wow-wow-wow' as Christopher Walken would say.)
I've been jaded for so long. Wallowing in my disappointment and hurt concerning CO. Being downright pissed-off and unforgiving towards people... harbouring all this ickiness inside... I can't even explain. The wounds were and still are deep... to a certain extent. But perhaps I was pouring salt in my own wounds the whole time. You know, sometimes you just gotta get out there, and swallow your pride.
When I woke-up this morning, I was thinking... I can't really put it into words... but I was thinking how far removed I've become from Christ since I became a Christian. Funny ain't it? Shouldn't I have been moving towards him? I really can't describe, but there was this emptiness inside me. The recognition of where I am. And this morning, it wasn't a good place. What in my life is an honest and glorifying display of the great gift I've been given? Nothing. Unless I told you, and then you probably wouldn't believe me anyway, you'd never know. So yeh, I was thinking this morning, and I decided not to go to IV tonight. My friend Christine just started going, and I told her I would maybe go w/ her... but nah, not tonight. Maybe some other time. But you know... even though I wasn't listening... God whispered. And something inside of me heard.
And you know... I could wake up in about 7 hours and feel the same way I did this morning. I could be right back in that place. The flame could have gone out again. Just like it went out... I can't even remember when, it's been out so long. But I don't want that to happen. And I need help keeping the fire going. I need all the encouragement and support and prayer I can get. This time, THIS TIME, I'm going to ask for help. And I'm going to tell you straight up that I NEED TO BE PURSUED. I'm not very good @ asking for help... so this is my cry. Help me.
God only knows why I just dumped all this out on a BLOG for Pete's sake... hopefully someone will read this. And hopefully I won't get any flak for being an emotional girl... because I am crying rigt now.
So yeh... that's my post, and I'm sticking to it.
I had a good time. The speaker was AWESOME. For the first time in... how many months has it been? (... though none of you know of my personal struggles... I haven't even sorted through them all yet...) I feel moved, inspired, awed... shall I even say... convicted? W-o-w. Whoa ('Wowy-wow-wow-wow' as Christopher Walken would say.)
I've been jaded for so long. Wallowing in my disappointment and hurt concerning CO. Being downright pissed-off and unforgiving towards people... harbouring all this ickiness inside... I can't even explain. The wounds were and still are deep... to a certain extent. But perhaps I was pouring salt in my own wounds the whole time. You know, sometimes you just gotta get out there, and swallow your pride.
When I woke-up this morning, I was thinking... I can't really put it into words... but I was thinking how far removed I've become from Christ since I became a Christian. Funny ain't it? Shouldn't I have been moving towards him? I really can't describe, but there was this emptiness inside me. The recognition of where I am. And this morning, it wasn't a good place. What in my life is an honest and glorifying display of the great gift I've been given? Nothing. Unless I told you, and then you probably wouldn't believe me anyway, you'd never know. So yeh, I was thinking this morning, and I decided not to go to IV tonight. My friend Christine just started going, and I told her I would maybe go w/ her... but nah, not tonight. Maybe some other time. But you know... even though I wasn't listening... God whispered. And something inside of me heard.
And you know... I could wake up in about 7 hours and feel the same way I did this morning. I could be right back in that place. The flame could have gone out again. Just like it went out... I can't even remember when, it's been out so long. But I don't want that to happen. And I need help keeping the fire going. I need all the encouragement and support and prayer I can get. This time, THIS TIME, I'm going to ask for help. And I'm going to tell you straight up that I NEED TO BE PURSUED. I'm not very good @ asking for help... so this is my cry. Help me.
God only knows why I just dumped all this out on a BLOG for Pete's sake... hopefully someone will read this. And hopefully I won't get any flak for being an emotional girl... because I am crying rigt now.
So yeh... that's my post, and I'm sticking to it.
Jessica 02:19
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