summertime

i can only imagine everyone's summer going as planned perfect as mine has been. we all stop to think back to the middle of may (or maybe the beggingin of january for those few of you who already at that point couldn't wait for your break) and how you knew EXACTLY what you were going to do, who you were going to spend time with, and all the craziness said people and yourself were going to get in. the mere thought of my own summer plans, as perfect as they were, makes me wanna kick my own ace...

what have i done in my magnificant plan thus far...? i barely hang out with anyone and when i do it's usually not very fruitful or there is definately no growth of relationship or love. i have increased my time at my computer - mostly with battlefield, but with other useless things as well. i knew i would not see laura too often, and it has actually been a pleasant surprise to have opportunities to see her, and serve her family as of late. but when it ultimately comes down to it, i feel like a failure...

now, no worris folks, nothing dramatic from the fizzness... i have not lost all hope or see myself as some unforgivable human being. i just think of how i looked towards the summer with wide eyes ASSUMING (and like danny says, assuming just makes a donkey out of me and you) that i was going to non-chalantly cruise into deep and impactful relationships with some of my closest brothers like brooks, nate, stemo, danny, jon, and nate #2. at first i was complacent making excuses for each of these failed attempts at growth and friendship...

-i cannot possibly grow closer to brooks if he is going to up and go to wilmington for the summer! HOW CAN I do anything about THAT!?
-nate had three jobs and now no readily availible means for transportation - it's just "misfortune" that we haven't hung out yet
-i am glad that stephen (or stephe) got a job, but how am i supposed to hang out with someone who goes into work an hour after i get off...? not to mention the few weekends that i have free he spends with his girlfriend.
-danny's getting married... end of story
-i don't know jon very well and do i really have the time to invest that kinda efort into ANOTHER new friend...?
-nate doesn't have a car and it is a big hassle to have to drive to pick him up just to do something. i will just wait til everyone can hang out and i can get someone else to get him.

all this to say... i have had a reverse in my thinking. an epiphane about relationships God wants to develop. the kind that SOMETIMES requires effort, and being a servant... then i realized my true reasons for not hanging out with people...

-i am too lazy to call or email brooks
-i am too lazy to make time find a time that nate and i are free
-i am too lazy to meet stephen 'halfway' in our schedules, not to mention too selfish to think that when he is free for a weekend i am off spending time with laura, expecting him not to think likewise of me
-i am too lazy to call him
-i am too lazy to invest in someone God is throwing into my life
-i am too lazy to drive 5 minutes to be with someone whom i always enjoy spending time with

catch the pattern... dispite personalizing my laziness, it's all the same. i just want to apologize to all my homies - even those not listed here. don't allow me to become complacent in important friendships - rag me, bother me, remind me, love me... i will make more of an effort to prioritize and get with you guys, and be the grand organizer i am called to be. i love all you guys and my return will be mighty...

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...