somehow i feel i am wrong... i never like being around my family. well, i take that back, i love my immediate family (mom, grandparents and such), but when it comes to my extended family i feel i am always putting on a show. all family events remind me of how different i am than basically all my extended family - most of this steming from the fact that they all wear farmer hats (and not in a cool neo-emo trendy way), sport hunting jackets, and have an unusual liking for alan jackson. it just pains me to see them living their lives in such ways and having no real way of spreading some love...

i think it hit me hardest when i was interacting with two of my more distant cousins... one, tabitha, who is probably like 14, exclaimed that she was afraid that she wasn't going to get any good cd's this christmas but was happy to see that she got the new linkin park cd. to this, which i am sure you would all agree (minus brooks), i replied -- under my breath -- "nope, looks like you're still out of luck this christmas..." the other was when her brother who is 15, sat and tried to explain to me the advantages of having a van when he turns 16, so more of his friends can ride around and get drunk, and also enlightening me on the difference between "loose" country girls and those "other" girls who are, and i quote, "shut up tighter than a zip lock bag!"

it has been dissapointing so far, but all in all, i know it will be great... i am anxious to see my mom and stuff. and also to have a day off work!!! i mean, since i DO work all the time, including today, chrismas eve, from 9-6:30. but, i can only extend my warmest holiday wishes to all my friends, who i do consider my "REAL real" family... i wish i could be with each and every one of you tomorrow... happy christmas!!!

as always, keepin it real... REAL real...