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On my way back from taking a wizz today, I was thinking about how I don't really like any Kevin Smith movies. I wonder how much of my demographic shares the same kind of sentiment. Maybe we've all been suckered into thinking that we have to like Kevin Smith movies because our friends seem to like them. Maybe we're all thinking they're terrible and we should go back to the iconic Pauly Shore era in an attempt to step it up.
The day that I leave town with the Yasawa Islands as my destination, is the day you will know I have left to die. No matter how much I love my family and friends, nothing is more striking of an idea to me than to go somewhere at some point in my life, giving up everything and everyone I have known, with the intent to croak more than 5000 miles from where I was born.
I choose to do this because it is said that the majority of people die within 50 miles of their birthplace. First of all, that's boring. Second of all, since I'm 100 times more awesome than the average person, it would make sense for me to be 100 times further away from home than them. I'm a competitive soul, what can I say.
I finally came up with some solid ideas of what I want in a girlfriend, should I ever need one. I don't, since I have a harem of hot hotties to do my bidding. Since the cooking and cleaning is taken care of, and World of Warcraft is better than sex, I really have no need of a significant other.
If I did though, she must:
Be flexible, with a solid bone structure.
Have a sense of humor that prioritizes blonde, lawyer, and dead baby jokes.
Be of Itelmen, Karelian, Slavic, or Elven descent.
Have a fixed goal in life that involves training dogs to decrypt dolphinspeak so that we can learn the technological secrets of our genetically and intelligently advanced underwater adversaries.
Not be flipped out and crazy all the time, or even crazy in rare torrid moments that seem to be directed towards the tendentious breaking of my fragile (ha, right) soul.
John is wit embodied. Take for example his superior ability to create away messages, so offhandedly, that strike palpably into historic legend with immediacy and precision. Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking to myself, and trying to combat John's seemingly inexhaustible flair for piercing one-liners and commendable 10-hit combos of humor seems naught but impossible. A world without John is like a world without a sequel to Mortal Kombat; void, unfunny, and containing only 7 fighters to choose from.
The day that I leave town with the Yasawa Islands as my destination, is the day you will know I have left to die. No matter how much I love my family and friends, nothing is more striking of an idea to me than to go somewhere at some point in my life, giving up everything and everyone I have known, with the intent to croak more than 5000 miles from where I was born.
I choose to do this because it is said that the majority of people die within 50 miles of their birthplace. First of all, that's boring. Second of all, since I'm 100 times more awesome than the average person, it would make sense for me to be 100 times further away from home than them. I'm a competitive soul, what can I say.
I finally came up with some solid ideas of what I want in a girlfriend, should I ever need one. I don't, since I have a harem of hot hotties to do my bidding. Since the cooking and cleaning is taken care of, and World of Warcraft is better than sex, I really have no need of a significant other.
If I did though, she must:
Be flexible, with a solid bone structure.
Have a sense of humor that prioritizes blonde, lawyer, and dead baby jokes.
Be of Itelmen, Karelian, Slavic, or Elven descent.
Have a fixed goal in life that involves training dogs to decrypt dolphinspeak so that we can learn the technological secrets of our genetically and intelligently advanced underwater adversaries.
Not be flipped out and crazy all the time, or even crazy in rare torrid moments that seem to be directed towards the tendentious breaking of my fragile (ha, right) soul.
John is wit embodied. Take for example his superior ability to create away messages, so offhandedly, that strike palpably into historic legend with immediacy and precision. Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking to myself, and trying to combat John's seemingly inexhaustible flair for piercing one-liners and commendable 10-hit combos of humor seems naught but impossible. A world without John is like a world without a sequel to Mortal Kombat; void, unfunny, and containing only 7 fighters to choose from.
Nathan Prime 13:13
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